Cheeseman at a Jets game?

Dear New York Jets,

I have a cheeseman. He’s made out of reconstituted cheeseheads. He was meant to be taken to a Packers game, but because he looks a bit like Brett Favre, I’m afraid the fans would tear Cheeseman to pieces.

Would Cheeseman be welcome at a Jets game? I could spray paint him green? Because he looks a bit like Brett Favre, maybe the fans wouldn’t notice the swiss cheese-like holes. They might think I made Cheeseman especially for them.

I mean to buy a ticket for Cheeseman, so do not worry that I would try and squeeze both him and myself into one seat. However, can you guarantee Cheeseman’s safety? I am very proud of Cheeseman and do not want him “messed up.”

NO RESPONSE YET

Scope is good eats.

Dear Scope,

I bought your mouthwash for the first time yesterday. I mainly bought it because I liked the green coloring. There’s also the fact that I’ve been told that my breath resembles a mix between rotten eggs and mothballs. I have never noticed it, but my coworkers have. We work very close to each other, less than a foot apart actually, and it is very important to have fresh breath. We are often shunned if we have anything less. Thanfully, the coworkers who confronted me are not so fast to shun.

I drink about two cupfuls every morning, and it has been working great. My coworkers are very happy with the results. I do get an upset stomach every day now, but that is the price you pay for fresh breath. I am sure that without Scope I would not have a job right now. I will easily accept minor diarrhea every morning to have my job.

Thank you for making such wonderful green liquid and coffee tables. I just recently found out that I own one of your 1908 Douglas Fir coffee tables from 1908. It’s very sturdy.

RESPONSE

Thank you for contacting P&G about Scope.

We’re concerned about your recent experience with this product and are forwarding your report to our Health & Safety Consultants. We appreciate you bringing this matter to our attention.

We stand behind our products 100% and certainly want to reimburse your purchase price. You should receive a check for $4.00, under seperate cover within the next few days.

If you have any questions or comments in the future, please call our toll-free number on our product package. Thans again for getting in touch with us.

Consumer Relations

Letter to the Green Bay Packers Concerning Brett Favre Cheeseman

Dear Green Bay Packers,

I am planning on going to a Packers game some time this next season and instead of bringing a cheesehead, I’ve made a cheeseman. It’s quite spectacular. Looks a bit like Brett Favre, albeit completely unintentional. He’s seven feet tall (my cheeseman, not Brett Favre). I’ve meticulously carved areas of the body from individual cheeseheads and pieced them together to form the Cheeseman. The reason Cheeseman is capitalized is because he is the ultimate peice of foam cheese. Thus, it’s more capitalizing the word “cheese” rather than giving attention to the entire word. But anyway, every Packers fan who loves the cheesehead would love Cheeseman. He is absolutely remarkable.

I am going to a game to show off Cheeseman, and I was wondering if I would have to pay for his ticket. I am willing to pay, but I don’t want to if I don’t have to.

Cheeseman could be the team mascot for the Green Bay Packers. Of course, my Cheeseman could never be the mascot, but someone else could make a Cheeseman II. Cheeseman II would be at every home and away game to inspire the Packers and discourage the opponents. He could do the Lambeau Leap at halftime, but not only in the endzone, but all around the field. Cheeseman II could definitely be something.

RESPONSE

Dear Adam,

We are in receipt of your letter in regards to bringing “Cheeseman” to a game this coming season.

Unfortunately, our stadium policy clearly states “every patron must have a ticket to enter the stadium.” Although it is arguable whether or not this rule would be applicable to the inanimate Cheeseman, there is little doubt he would disrupt the view and comfort of other fans if he did not occupy his own seat.

Although it’s not feasible to bring Cheeseman inside the stadium, I’m sure you would find him well received with the tailgaters and fans outside the gates on game day.

Your letter has been forwarded to our marketing department. They will give your idea for Cheeseman II – THE MASCOT proper review and consideration.

Thank you for sharing your ideas with us. We look forward to your support as we anticipate another exciting season.

Sincerely,
Walter M. Chrislen
Ticket Office Assistant

MY RESPONSE

Dear Walter,

If Brett Favre gets traded to a non-divisional rival like Tampa Bay, but is then immediately traded by the non-divisional rival to Minnesota, is my Cheeseman still welcome? He does resemble Brett quite a bit. Would the fans tear Cheeseman apart if they saw Brett wearing a Minnesota Vikings uniform?

NO RESPONSE YET

Facebook and Myspace need to let things go.

Dear Facebook and Myspace,

I’ve noticed that you have an issue with letting go. See, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I’m sick of you. You annoy me. We were friends for three minutes, dated for thirty seconds, and then I realized you were an idiot. Actually, I was an idiot. What kind of person dates you? Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that I’m sick of knowing you. Get in my past. Become of memory. Stop poking me. And take me off your friends list!

This online social networking is killing me. I know we haven’t talked in a while. There’s a reason for that. And no, we can’t still be friends. 

Quit saying, “hi, whats up?” to me every three weeks. I didn’t answer the last time, I’m not answering this time.

What is it about the internet that makes you think you need to keep in touch with every person you’ve ever met, heard about from a friend, or sat behind at the theater. These aren’t relationships. Without this networking thing, you’d probably forget about 90% of your “friends” by week’s end. Guess what? They’re not really your friends then. And neither am I. We haven’t even seen each other face-to-face in over a year. Let it go.   

Ridiculous Friendwheel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO RESPONSE YET

Photo by: miss_rogue